Week of this whole Revising Me project is coming to a close and this week was trying to establish patterns, stick to eating goals, and several attempts to not get frustrated.

I tried to be good and have a salad for lunch Mon-Fri, but I got to about Tues before I needed to mix it up. For the most part breakfast was same: a low-carb protein bar that's high fiber from Costco and some hard boiled eggs. Aside from Friday, I mostly made or brought in all my lunches from home, which is actually quite a feat for me when it comes to the work week.

But, I have quite a few mental hurdles to overcome, it seems.

The Week In Review

Sunday- I walked around the small city park in the middle of our apartment complex, clocking in about 5847 steps that day. I had walked 10,000+ the day before. I'm not quite sure what I ate, but I know I tried to be relatively good.

Monday- In a brilliant and questionable attempt to suggest I could be the sort of person who hits the gym before work, I woke up at 6:30am on what was quite a chilly morning and did the elliptical for about 25 minutes. I found a recreational trail right near work and took a lunch time walk and then another shorter walk when I got home. 7974 steps.

Still trying to have salad for lunch. The Greens & Grains Cowboy White Chicken Salad one can buy at Costco is actually pretty good! I just kind of wish it wasn't two servings in one bowl and had less pearl couscous. But it's still not an entirely awful option either.

At this point, I'm thinking I can do this. I can be one of these magical crack 'o' dawn gym bunnies who don't seem one bit tired and are preternaturally perky!

Tuesday- Wake up again at 6:30am, it is still cold, my belief I can be a morning gym bunny is shakier. I opt for the treadmill and a brisk 25 minute walk. During lunch I go for another walk along the trail and come home. I'm allowing myself some carbs, but trying to desperate not go overboard even though I really just want to shove pasta in my face super hard all the time. But I am good, I have salad for lunch again. I'm going to be a bunny, dammit! 7511 steps in that day.

Wednesday- I have a meeting first thing at 8am, so any thought of going to the gym is eradicated. It is at this point I also realize I'm tired, so very tired thanks to my chronic insomnia being a jerk, and decide to take a rest day. I maybe had a small slice of thin crust pizza alongside the lunch I also brought. No salad was had that day, it was as if Ron Swanson's spirit came to me with its infinite logic. I was rather naughty and had a cheeseburger and fries at my local Whole Foods' Tap Room, where I destroyed middle-aged men in pub trivia thanks to my profound knowledge of cult classic movies.

Thursday- Decided to re-download the Stronglifts 5x5 app but adapted for dumbbells because the apartment gym has no barbells. Basically there's two workouts, A&B, done in 5 sets with 5 reps. The point is to achieve progressive overload, so each time the weights will go up slightly. Workout A is squats, bench press, and row. Workout B is squats, overhead press, and deadlifts. I did workout A with two 15lb dumbbells, pretty good considering I used to struggle lifting those and haven't lifted in ages. So I thought the squats were fairly okay, not easy, but not OMGKILLMENOW. I had some glorious pasta for dinner to help my muscles recover, basking in the afterglow of a fairly successful lifting session and completely ignorant to the hell I unleashed.

Friday- LEG DOMS. LEG DOMS LIKE CRAZY. I am acutely aware of every muscle in my thighs I worked the day before every time I take a step or sit up or down. I grabbed a barbacoa burrito from the taco truck outside and emptied it out into a bowl, opting to not eat the tortilla. This helps me pretend I'm being healthy. :) Gnocchi with homemade short rib ragu for dinner. I probably should have had dinner, but I was hoping the protein and carbs would make the leg DOMS better. Oh honey, I have a big storm coming.

Today- Somehow, the leg DOMS are worse today, but I had a local chapter meeting of my writing association this morning and an errand at Ulta to run so I have hobbled me way around this morning. Protein bar and a cold brew coffee with coconut milk unsweetened was breakfast. Banza Chickpea pasta and short rib ragu for lunch. Probably just going to have salad for dinner so I don't feel bad.

Because that's what I'm struggling with a lot this week; I know I'm not eating super awfully with the exception of Wednesday night, and it takes time to build good happens and change your eating; and even though I did exercise 4/7 days this week after a whole bunch of nada for months, part of my brain keeps screaming, "it's not enough!!"

And I know that's not reasonable. I can't expect to go from not working out for months to like 6 days a week. I can't expect that I have to hit the gym for an hour each time/every day because I know I will get tired so very quickly and burn out.

It's a struggle of impatience and feeling like I'm not doing enough vs. rational, logical approach with this.

I've emailed the fitness trainer who oversees the classes at our gym to get more info on personal training, but she's out of town until next week. Maybe working with a personal trainer, even though I am sort of wincing at cost, is a good first step to at least establish an exercise plan for a few weeks that I can then follow on my own.

And, I need to remember this is going to take time. It took 6 years for 45 pounds to creep up on me, it's going to take more than 6 days to get back to where I was.

What helps you when you're facing this internal struggle? What do you find helps motivate you? Leave a comment and let's have a discussion. :)