I haven't talked about it much here but I've decided to be candid: I need a change, specifically my weight. This isn't a new revelation, but early on in our Disney World trip in a group photo it was there staring me in the face. I've gotten big, bigger than I've ever been, and for someone who is only 5'1" it's utterly not ideal.

To be clear- if you're happy with your size, thin, thick or anywhere in between, that's awesome! You are happy with you and that's what matters. In my case, I'm not happy with me in this regard.

Rewind 6 years ago, I had made a decent amount of progress with weight loss and dieting, and had gotten down to 158lbs. Still not totally great for my short height, but I was a size 14 in jeans and it was more or less okay. I was starting a new relationship. I moved to Baltimore from Connecticut, even though my partner lived in California. I had already planned the move before we met and it was so early on in the relationship it made no sense at the time to switch plans.

And then a lot of things didn't go well, I fell into a really deep spiral of depression, and the weight slowly creeped on. I moved back home for a few months and then out to California to be with my boyfriend, and between looking for work, grad school, and other things it all caught up with me.

And here we are now, 2016, and I found myself looking at a scale saying 205. That's 46lbs gained;  the by product of five years of upheaval in my personal life, of some deep mental spirals, of to some level me just not caring anymore. Some of it is a little bit of getting older and now being in my early 30s, but a lot of it is me. And so I'm saying enough. 

After a serious set of conversations with my boyfriend on how we both need to try harder and curb our bad habits (salty snacks, too much carbs, not working out) I'm going to give it my best shot to try and get down to at least 150lbs or to size 12, and see how things and my health feel. I have no idea how long the road ahead will be, but I seriously have to try. 

Last week was Week 1 starting this change. It was small steps: swapping in salads for lunch during my work week where I could, setting my daily caloric goal to ~1500, change my macronutrient goals to be more balanced and lean more towards a higher fat and protein percentage than carbs (I'm trying to time carbs more where it makes sense around being active so my body makes better use of them), and get more steps in. We took a 40-60 min walk after work three days last week, aiming to get in 10,000 steps on those days. 

At the end of Week 1, I'm now down to 203.6. It's probably water weight but it's a start. 

Plan for Week 2: time to get back in the gym and keep sticking to my diet goals. 

I don't know where or how long this journey will wind up, but I have to try.

Thanks for reading! Maybe for some of you we can take this journey together?